i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
