First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
