We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
