my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize