If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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