Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
All I want is dick and wine.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
