In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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