just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
