no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
