You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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