Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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