I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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