I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize