I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
