So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize