Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
