ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
