Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
