It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
