TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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