This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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