He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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