I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
