chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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