i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
