I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
