This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
