What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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