Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
