I wish I could teleport
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
