there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
