At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
