I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The air was thick with penises
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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