I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
