yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
