Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
