Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
