About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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