Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
