please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
