There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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