if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
