i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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