I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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