Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So squirting runs in the family.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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