Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize