my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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