any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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