I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
