i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
