So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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