she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
