we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
