Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
