im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think a kid would responsible me up
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
