My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
