I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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