i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
