did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
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