please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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