I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
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