I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
