to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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