I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
