in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
