weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
whose parrot is this?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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