We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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