I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
