Only a mothe r could love this liver
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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