She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
So. Much. Porn.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
