dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
