did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
