Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
