We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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