No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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