For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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