and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
