Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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