I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
