Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
