Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
